Trouble Boys the True Story of the Replacements Book Review
Wacky, outrageous and usually drunkard — Florida Man is the antihero you lot never knew you needed. There's really no end to his wild shenanigans — and that'southward no wonder, because he has to deal with hungry alligators, heat and madcap weather almost on the daily.
Florida's most notorious denizen isn't just one person, but an affiliation of men (and women) who populate the Sunshine Country. Hither are some of their most ludicrous antics to appointment.
Florida Homo Trips Over His Pants While Running From Police
Side by side time your grandma tells you lot not to wear your pants and then baggy, listen to her; it might come in handy if you lot're ever running from the police. Daytona Beach resident Tobias Smith learned that lesson the hard manner when he was pulled over for driving an unregistered vehicle.
After fleeing the scene and leading officers on a wild motorcar chase, Mr. Smith eventually ditched the vehicle and took off on human foot — but he didn't get very far. With police hot on his tail, his pants began to slip downward, causing him to stumble and autumn. Police were able to grab up and arrest him on the spot.
Florida Human Parks Smart Automobile in Kitchen And then It Won't Blow Away
Florida gets some crazy weather. And so crazy, in fact, that y'all might accept to park your car inside the house so you don't lose it during a tempest. That's what happened to one Florida man when Hurricane Dorian blew through in 2019.
Patrick Eldridge parked his Smart car in the kitchen then information technology wouldn't accident away during the Category 2 storm. With his wife's car already parked in the garage, he simply felt that there was no other option (relieve for cleaning out the other half of the garage — and who wants to exercise that?).
Florida Locals Use Gas Station Microwave to Warm Their Urine
In this story, several Florida men and women used a local gas station'southward microwave to warm up their urine — on a regular footing. Y'all may wonder why one would desire to warm up urine ane time, let alone many times. Well, it might assistance in passing a drug test, apparently.
Co-ordinate to Outset Coast News, gas station owner Parul Patel (understandably) got sick of random people walking in to rut up their pee. His microwave now boasts a large sign stating "Don't microwave your urine." Whether or non it works remains to be seen, but nosotros remember that particular apparatus should definitely be replaced.
Florida Man Goes on Vandalism Spree, Says Trump Owes Him a Trillion Dollars
A lot of people feel like the government owes them some money. In that location's no arguing that. But exercise they feel like Donald Trump personally owes them something? Not likely. Xxx-year-old Justin Wilson did, though. In fact, he felt that Mr. Trump owed him an phenomenal 1 trillion dollars.
Mr. Wilson was and so outraged that he went on a no-holds-barred vandalism rampage, nifty the windows of at least xx cars in the parking lot of a Holiday Inn in Okaloosa. Onlookers say he beat the cars with a belt and some rocks. It's unclear whether or non he got his paycheck — just he did get some time in jail.
Florida Man Claims He Joined a Kid Sex Ring But to Run into "a Sting in Action"
Sometimes, Live PD simply won't cut information technology. No longer satisfied with watching people get disrepair on television, you get right there in the middle of the action yourself. Thirty-iv-year-old James Bowen from Gainesville was and so serious about getting in on the activeness that he joined a child sexual activity ring just so he could spotter the law bust information technology up — supposedly.
When Mr. Bowen was caught, along with six other men, he told the constabulary that he knew he had been set, merely he did it anyway — only and so he could witness a sting in real life. The police didn't buy the alibi, and he was arrested on the spot.
Florida Human being Goes to a Christmas Festival and Screams "Santa Isn't Existent" at Kids
Most people don't have incredibly strong feelings about Santa. You either tell your kids that he's real or you don't — no biggie. For 1 unnamed Florida man, however, the thought of a fat guy who delivers toys to children in a magic sleigh was highly offensive.
This unidentified man then seriously disliked the thought of Santa that he busted into a Greatcoat Coral Christmas fair and started screaming "Santa Claus doesn't exist!" at the children. Unfortunately, constabulary were unable to put a stop to his rantings (costless speech and all that jazz), leaving hundreds of parents wondering what to tell their disappointed kids.
Florida Man Robs Store Dressed as Spider-Homo
What exercise you lot exercise if you want to rob a shop? Habiliment a disguise, of course! While nearly would-be robbers might throw on a dark-colored hoodie or a face mask, one Florida man thought it was a good idea to clothes as his favorite superhero: Spider-Man.
Edward Wilburn was arrested later on stealing almost $150 in liquor and $420 in Newport cigarettes from a Casselberry Winn-Dixie. Police say that Wilburn initially showed up unmasked, but upon realizing his fault, he left and later returned in a Spidey costume. Co-ordinate to the Seminole County Sheriff'due south Office, the gentleman is a echo offender.
Florida Man Attempts to Smoke Crack in ICU, Almost Burns Downwards Hospital
Sharing is caring. Nosotros all want to do dainty things for the people we love, particularly around the holidays. That's potentially why Florida man Lee Vern Cook thought information technology was a good idea to take some crack-cocaine to his hospitalized friend on Christmas Eve.
Co-ordinate to law, Mr. Melt's (unnamed) friend was a patient at the North Okaloosa Medical Middle when he decided to low-cal up in his room. Unfortunately, the friend was hooked up to an oxygen motorcar and a small fire broke out. Mr. Cook was arrested, facing several charges including bringing a loaded firearm into the infirmary.
Florida Homo Breaks Into Dwelling, Cooks Breakfast
If you woke up to a strange man cooking breakfast in your kitchen, would that be a good thing or a bad matter? Mayhap it depends on what they're making. 1 Florida family got to observe out in existent life when a drunkard teenager entered their home at 4 a.m. for a quick snack.
According to police force, 19-year-old Gavin Crim entered the home via an unlocked back door and began cooking himself breakfast. When the owner confronted the hungry intruder, he was told to "become back to sleep." Mr. Crim was later on establish hiding in a wooded area behind the dwelling and was arrested on a burglary accuse.
Florida Human being Impersonates Cop at IHOP to Get Free Food
When you're hungry, yous're hungry. There'southward nothing you won't do to get some grub in your abdomen. But Florida homo Matt Skytta took it a step too far when he (illegally) impersonated a police officeholder at his local IHOP to become some gratuitous pancakes.
When the 55-year-old's clever ruse didn't work, he dropped trou and flashed his buttocks at the startled server — right after threatening to beat them up. As police arrived to abort Skytta, he allegedly claimed to exist a Greenish Beret and shouted, "If I die, Obama dies!" He earned himself charges of impersonating a law enforcement officeholder, trespassing and disorderly conduct.
Florida Man Repeatedly Jumps Into Crocodile Enclosure at Zoo, Leaves Backside All His Dress
When staff members at a Florida alligator subcontract entered a crocodile enclosure and saw two floating Croc shoes and some clothing, they were worried. While they couldn't locate a body, they did notice a trail of blood leading to the acme of the 20-foot enclosure and alerted police right away.
Luckily, a nearby neighbour had also called law to report a more often than not naked man itch through the bushes in her backyard. It wasn't difficult for the officers to put two and ii together. As it turns out, the Florida man jumped into the croc enclosure several times earlier he eventually got attacked and ran away.
Two Florida Eye Schoolhouse Girls Attempt to Beverage Classmates' Blood
We don't desire Florida Man to get all the attention, and then here's one about Florida Girl(south): Two centre school girls in central Florida were defenseless before they could carry out their program to murder their swain classmates and drink their blood. The two students, ages eleven and 12, brought knives to school in guild to execute their plot.
According to police, the girls' plan was to gear up upward store in the lavatory and wait for smaller students to enter, at which point they would stab the students and drink their claret. The 2 admitted to being Satanists and said they came upwards with the thought after watching scary movies together over the weekend.
Armless Florida Man Arrested for Stabbing Tourist With Scissors
Vacation tin can be full of surprises, good and bad. Just one thing almost people would never expect? Getting stabbed by an armless man. That'south exactly what happened to 22-year-erstwhile Cesar Coronado when a homeless Florida Man stabbed him with a pair of scissors — using his anxiety.
Coronado told police that he and a friend were asking the gentleman for directions when he lunged at them and stabbed Coronado, unprovoked. The homeless homo, however, claims that he was lying down when Coronado and his friend punched him in the caput for no reason. Despite these allegations, he was charged with aggravated bombardment and arrested.
Florida Human Didn't Affluent Toilet at His Friend's House, Says "Sh*t Happens"
When yous gotta go, you gotta go. Merely if you gotta go in someone else'due south house, yous should at to the lowest degree affluent when you're done. Florida man Keith Mounts never learned that lesson — and he didn't much appreciate being told to flush after leaving his victim a stinking surprise.
When Mr. Mounts was called out on his poor manners, he threatened to chop upwards the accuser with a machete. Although he initially claimed to have been acting in cocky-defence force, there was no testify to corroborate that story. Later, he offered this explanation to police: "Sh*t happens." Every bit a effect, he was arrested on a felony aggravated attack charge.
Shirtless Florida Man Arrested for Going Door to Door Picking Fights
In what is possibly the well-nigh Florida thing to e'er happen, a boozer, shirtless Pensacola human being went door-to-door in a neighborhood looking for a fight. Thirty-two-twelvemonth-old Christopher Doyle Norman began his drunken binge by boot open the gate to a trailer park and harassing bystanders.
Eventually, he moved on to a neighboring apartment complex, where he dared residents to come out and fight him. Along the road, he punched a adult female in the head, stole a pizza, ran into a debate and and so passed out on elevation of it. In the finish, he was charged with home invasion, battery, break-in, larceny and criminal mischief.
Florida Man Arrested After Giving Aggressive "Wet Willy"
A 47-year-old Florida man was arrested after giving his girlfriend a "moisture willy" while drunk, co-ordinate to an affirmation. For those not in the know: A "wet willy" is when ane person wets their finger (typically in their mouth) and then sticks that finger inside another person's ear. Gross, merely not typically grounds for arrest.
The victim claimed that she and her boyfriend, Joseph Sirecci, went to visit a friend, forth with the victim'south daughter. Sirecci, who was drunk, became even more belligerent every bit the night went on. On the way home, the man allegedly pulled on his girlfriend'southward arm and gave her a "wet willy," resulting in battery charges.
Florida Grandma Removes Dentures to Scare Naked Intruder
When 1 Florida man tried to break into a home — fully nude — he was met by an unexpected antagonist: toothless grandma. Pennelope Pettersen of Titusville says that she was taken aback when she peeked out her sleeping accommodation window to observe a naked, gyrating intruder on her back porch, so she did the first thing she could think of.
20-eight-year-quondam Alex Rivera was just out looking for a inexpensive thrill. He made his mode onto Pettersen's porch by forcing his way through a locked screen door and immediately began taking off his clothes. When Pettersen noticed the intruder, she did what any person would do: popped out her dentures and yelled "Grandma no teeth!" through the open window.
Florida Man Claims His Wife Was Abducted by Holograms
Back in 2014, a 53-year-former Florida man told police that intruders had abducted his married woman with the assistance of holograms. According to their written report, the unidentified human was "extremely agitated" and holding a baseball bat when officials arrived. He told them that a group of men, using hologram projections to communicate with each other, had taken his wife.
The married woman was subsequently located just down the road at a nearby trailer park, hanging out with her husband'southward aunt. According to the aunt, the woman was drunkard, simply not the victim of a crime. A search was conducted of the surrounding area, just no hologram-wielding kidnappers were uncovered.
Florida Homo Arrested for Attempting to "Barbecue" Kid Molesters
When it comes to criminals, people who hurt children are the worst of the worst. No 1 likes them — not even swain criminals. Information technology may not be so surprising, and so, that this Florida human being decided to accept the law into his ain hands and eradicate his hometown of child molesters.
On his vehement quest for "justice," Jorge Porto-Sierra decided to get rid of sex offenders via the grill. Porto-Sierra allegedly attacked several individuals with gasoline and, later, freely admitted to detectives his programme to set the predators on burn. When the law asked why he didn't follow through with the program, Porto-Sierra responded, "because you got hither likewise soon."
Florida Human being Steals 850 Pairs of Underwear From Victoria's Secret
An eighteen-year-quondam Florida man (and his underage accomplice) were accused of stealing 850 pairs of underwear from Victoria'due south Secret in 2014. According to NBC6 in Miramar, Daniel Espinosa stole more than $15,000 worth of property from the shop on three separate occasions.
Broward Excursion Judge John Hurley said, "In Nov of 2013, [Espinosa] stole 300 pieces of Dream Angels women's underwear. And, allegedly on another date, stole 175 pairs of women's underwear, and that was worth over $2,500. And allegedly on another date, stole 375 pairs of women's underwear. That was over $five,000." No word on what he did with the panties.
Florida Man Faces Obscenity Charges for "I Swallow A**" Window Sticker
There's personal expression, and so at that place'due south just existence crude. Then seems the case with 23-twelvemonth-old Florida human Dillon Shane Webb, who was arrested in 2019 for having an "I eat a**" sticker plastered on the window of his pickup truck — or, rather, for refusing to remove it.
Apparently, Florida has a statute dealing with the possession and distribution of obscene fabric. Police force decided that Webb's sticker was obscene. When asked to remove one of the messages from the word "ass" to make it less obscene, the swain refused and was charged with resisting.
Florida Man Dressed as Fred Flintstone Pulled Over for "Speeding" in "Footmobile"
In a scene straight out of the movies, a Florida homo dressed every bit Fred Flint was pulled over for exceeding the speed limit in his homemade "footmobile" — designed to look exactly similar the ane from the cartoon. Don Swartz's Smart car looked like an well-nigh exact replica of the human foot-powered vehicle used in the 1960s series The Flintstones.
Unfortunately, though the car was very existent, the traffic stop was not. According to WBTV, the unabridged affair was staged and no real citation was issued or belongings seized. It appears to have been nothing more a fun photo op for the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, which posted pics to its Facebook page after the fact.
Florida Man Attacks Nephew Over Undercooked Noodles
Anybody has a pasta preference — and apparently, Florida man Richard Vine Newton likes his noodles a bit on the harder side. Discussion has information technology that when his nephew complained about the al dente pasta, Mr. Newton started screaming and shoved his nephew in the face. The nephew then shoved him dorsum and left the apartment.
Unfortunately, Mr. Newton followed and charged him with a knife, making slashing motions. Witnesses called police force. Though his nephew escaped injury, Newton was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and domestic battery. Moral of the story? Don't cook pasta for your Floridian friends unless you know how they similar their noodles!
Florida Man Calls 911 to Check His Tax Return
Nosotros've all been there: You spend hours preparing your tax render, you attach all of the appropriate forms, y'all finally go it in the postal service and…crickets. Y'all look for weeks and don't hear annihilation dorsum from the IRS. But you really need your money. Well, this Florida homo was having none of that.
According to the Tampa Bay Times, "James Mahoney, of Leningrad, chosen 911 while intoxicated and said he was 'messed upwardly.' When deputies arrived, he was still on the phone with the dispatcher. When deputies asked him why he called 911, he said it was to check on his taxation return."
Florida Man Breaks Into Neighbor'due south House, Fully Nude, to Find Sesame Seeds for His Burger
A 48-twelvemonth-old Florida human who was accused of burglarizing his neighbor's abode while fully naked told law he just wanted sesame seeds for his burger. The man, Martin Henderson, allegedly used a butter knife to jimmy his neighbor's door. When the homeowner heard a commotion, he came downstairs to detect the nude intruder standing in his kitchen.
The homeowner called 911, and responding officers arrested Henderson, who claimed to accept been high on constructed marijuana at the time of the incident. He was charged with burglary and possession of a burglary tool, though it's unclear if he ever establish his sesame seeds.
Florida Man Pours Beer Into Alligator'southward Mouth
Twenty-vii-year-old Florida human Timothy Kepke was arrested after allegedly capturing an alligator and attempting to pour beer downwardly its throat. The incident occurred later Kepke's friend, 22-twelvemonth-old Noah Osborne, caught the gator. The two filmed the entire incident, leaving picayune room for interpretation.
What authorities saw was Osborne catching the gator with his blank hands, and then Kepke taunting it into biting his arm. Once it latched on, Kepke poured beer into the animal'southward oral fissure, causing it to become aggressive. They and so let the gator become. Authorities afterwards visited Kepke'south abode, where he admitted that it was him on the picture, and was arrested.
Florida Men Attack Ice Cream Man Who Wouldn't Take Counterfeit $20 Pecker for Pickled Sausage
Get-go of all: What is a pickled sausage? Is that a Florida thing? Because we've never heard of it. Secondly: Why is the ice cream human selling pickled sausage? Either way, three Florida men assaulted an water ice cream man when he wouldn't sell them said sausage.
The incident occurred at an Ocala park in 2014, when the three men in question tried to buy a pickled sausage with a counterfeit $20 bill. When the water ice cream man questioned them and refused to complete the sale, one of the men pulled out a gun. The vendor tried to wrestle it away but was struck in the eye.
Florida Man Tries to Steal 26 Cars From Jail Parking Lot Merely Later on Beingness Released
In that location are lots of questionable tales on this list, but this one is past far one of the stupidest moves nosotros've ever seen. Sixty-eight-year-onetime Florida man Dennis Libonati was promptly sent back to jail right after being released — because he tried to intermission into 26 unlike cars correct there in the jail'south parking lot.
The unabridged incident was caught on camera (because, naturally, jails have surveillance video), and Libonati could clearly be seen going from vehicle to vehicle, pulling on door handles. The would-be thief was also seen trying to break into two sheriff's office vehicles and hot-wiring an ATV used by the department.
Is That a Chainsaw, or Are You Only Happy to Run into Me?
In that location are things y'all could probably become away with stuffing down your pants if you were and so inclined. A liter of soda, maybe, or a candy bar. And, as one very brave Florida man demonstrated, 1 may also fit a full-sized chainsaw downward the front end of his trousers.
Co-ordinate to the New Port Richey Patch, 27-year-old Anthony Ballard was caught on camera shoving a chainsaw down his pants and so covering it up with his shirt. He made it all the way out of the store and onto his bicycle before employees chased him downward, causing him to drib the illicit goods.
Florida Man, Once Arrested for Fighting Drag Queen With a Tiki Torch, Runs for Mayor
Florida Man Boyd Corbin, once arrested for fighting a drag queen with a tiki torch while dressed equally a KKK member, decided to run for mayor of Wilton Manors in 2014. Since his 2012 arrest for aggravated assail with a deadly weapon (the tiki torch), Corbin has repeatedly talked well-nigh the injustices of his case.
The entire thing, he says, comes down to the mistaken belief that he was the aggressor in the elevate queen fight. In reality, Boyd says, he was but defending himself (though he'due south offered no explanation for the KKK costume). Though Corbin's 2014 mayoral bid was a bust, he continues to be involved in politics.
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Source: https://www.life123.com/lifestyle/florida-man-stories?utm_content=params%3Ao%3D740009%26ad%3DdirN%26qo%3DserpIndex
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